Thankful Thursday #2

How's that for an original title?  :)

The past two days have been less than stellar.  It's so hot here and I've been so unmotivated!  My eating has been spot on until about 8:00 at night...and then it's not pretty!  I've been down on myself...which requires a few changes to take place in the coming weeks.

The first change is that I'm not going to be weighing myself.  I packed away my scale in another room and don't plan to step back on it until August 1.  I've found so much frustration in the scale not going down.  For the most part (before the past 2 days) I have done well with my eating and exercise.  The calorie deficit was there...but the scale didn't budge.  I got annoyed and told myself that it didn't really matter if I ate a little of this or a little of that because the scale wasn't going to move anyway.  Not the attitude to have...but totally there.  I've become so obsessive about the numbers that I decided it was time for them to go for a while.  I honestly believe that if I spend the next few weeks acting out of integrity, I'm going to see the numbers I desire.  I hope so at least!

Another change is my exercise.  I have not been following my routine at all...mainly because it's so stinkin' hot out there!  Today I woke up at 5:30 without an alarm and decided that I was going to get up and move.  I did the first day of a couch to 5k program.  I have never been able to run any distance at all without feeling like I'm going to die.  Even in middle school and high school I couldn't run the 1-2 minute warm-ups in gym class.  I want to be a runner.

Here is an outline of the plan:

Week	Workout 1	Workout 2	Workout 3
1	Brisk five-minute warmup walk. Then alternate 60 seconds of jogging and 90 seconds of walking for a total of 20 minutes.	Brisk five-minute warmup walk. Then alternate 60 seconds of jogging and 90 seconds of walking for a total of 20 minutes.	Brisk five-minute warmup walk. Then alternate 60 seconds of jogging and 90 seconds of walking for a total of 20 minutes.
2	Brisk five-minute warmup walk. Then alternate 90 seconds of jogging and two minutes of walking for a total of 20 minutes.	Brisk five-minute warmup walk. Then alternate 90 seconds of jogging and two minutes of walking for a total of 20 minutes.	Brisk five-minute warmup walk. Then alternate 90 seconds of jogging and two minutes of walking for a total of 20 minutes.
3	Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then do two repetitions of the following: Jog 200 yards (or 90 seconds) Walk 200 yards (or 90 seconds) Jog 400 yards (or 3 minutes) Walk 400 yards (or three minutes)	Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then do two repetitions of the following: Jog 200 yards (or 90 seconds) Walk 200 yards (or 90 seconds) Jog 400 yards (or 3 minutes) Walk 400 yards (or three minutes)	Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then do two repetitions of the following: Jog 200 yards (or 90 seconds) Walk 200 yards (or 90 seconds) Jog 400 yards (or 3 minutes) Walk 400 yards (or three minutes)
4	Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then: Jog 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes) Walk 1/8 mile (or 90 seconds) Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes) Walk 1/4 mile (or 2-1/2 minutes) Jog 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes) Walk 1/8 mile (or 90 seconds) Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes)	Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then: Jog 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes) Walk 1/8 mile (or 90 seconds) Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes) Walk 1/4 mile (or 2-1/2 minutes) Jog 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes) Walk 1/8 mile (or 90 seconds) Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes)	Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then: Jog 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes) Walk 1/8 mile (or 90 seconds) Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes) Walk 1/4 mile (or 2-1/2 minutes) Jog 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes) Walk 1/8 mile (or 90 seconds) Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes)
5	Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then: Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes) Walk 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes) Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes) Walk 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes) Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes)	Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then: Jog 3/4 mile (or 8 minutes) Walk 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes) Jog 3/4 mile (or 8 minutes)	Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then jog two miles (or 20 minutes) with no walking.
6	Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then: Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes) Walk 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes) Jog 3/4 mile (or 8 minutes) Walk 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes) Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes)	Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then: Jog 1 mile (or 10 minutes) Walk 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes) Jog 1 mile (or 10 minutes)	Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then jog 2-1/4 miles (or 22 minutes) with no walking.
7	Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then jog 2.5 miles (or 25 minutes).	Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then jog 2.5 miles (or 25 minutes).	Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then jog 2.5 miles (or 25 minutes).
8	Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then jog 2.75 miles (or 28 minutes).	Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then jog 2.75 miles (or 28 minutes).	Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then jog 2.75 miles (or 28 minutes).
9	Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then jog 3 miles (or 30 minutes).	Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then jog 3 miles (or 30 minutes).	The final workout! Congratulations! Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then jog 3 miles (or 30 minutes).

I did it...I completed workout 1!  I used my handy gym boss that I bought almost two years ago!  The first time (and only other time) I tried to use it I thought I was going to die and wasn't able to complete my workout.  Apparently when it says couch to 5K I didn't realize that my gym shorts were practically sewn into the cushions and it was going to take a lot more than a cute little interval timer to get me moving!  This time...very little struggle!  I'm hoping that having something very structured will help me stay on task.  I do well with structure...most days.  I'm not sure that I will be running for 30 minutes in 9 weeks...but one can only hope!

Another change that took place was shutting of the Fit Coach on my BodyMedia.  I am tired of being told what to do or that what I'm doing is not good enough.  I have enough struggle within myself...don't need a computer telling me my faults too!  It's not just the negative comments that bother me...the positive ones do too!  Let me do my thing and if I want your advice...I'll ask!  (A little testy today!)

After all of that rambling, here are some things that I'm thankful for today!

• I'm thankful for waking up at 5:30 this morning.  I know that I wouldn't have exercised today without that early start...it's too hot!  
• I'm thankful for air conditioning! 
• I'm thankful for phone calls with my parents.  Our relationship has changed immensely in the last few years...thankful for that too!  ;)
• I'm thankful for delicious recipes and food creativity that make this journey a little bit easier.
• I'm thankful for summer vacation...those days are certainly numbered!

Thankful Thursday

Today I'm thankful that my dad's surgery went well!  He is on the long road to recovery and I'm thankful that I get to be home and help him out a bit.

I'm thankful for a group of ladies that can get together and talk about life, struggles, and the redemption and restoration that is found through Jesus...even if the meeting didn't got as intended.

I'm thankful for my GPS that helped me navigate crazy back roads with no detour signs.

I'm thankful for a comfy bed to curl up in...even though people are shooting off fireworks on the 11th of July at 11:00 at night!


Definitely feeling the Thursday funk today...but am glad that there are so many things to be thankful for!  

Weigh In Wednesday

It's been a good week!  I am down to 272...and that's with eating out twice in the past two days!  I can do this...yes I can!

I have been working on telling my story for a ladies small group that I am a part of.  It's been challenging for me to digest part of my past and make it public in front of a bunch of ladies that I don't really know very well.  I know this is all part of the healing process and will help me move forward in the end...but we have to get there first!  I may post a video of me sharing my story...not sure.  I'm not sure that I want my face associated with this blog...even though no one reads it!  :)

I will be spending much of the next few weeks at my parents' house.  That's been a struggle in the past...so we'll see what happens!  I'm hoping for good things!

Disordered Habits

The past few Thursdays have not been grand.  Though my eating wasn't awful yesterday, I lacked motivation to do much of anything.  I think this came from spending a few days at my parent's house.

The cycle has continued there.  When I last visited, my brother was doing the Atkins diet...my mom was following weight watchers...and my dad was falling somewhere in between.  This time around everyone was off their diet and there were cookies, fruit crisps, ice cream, doughnuts, candy, chips, etc. everywhere.  I survived, but felt overwhelmed and almost isolated.  I showed my mom my Body Media and showed her how I was tracking everything.  She seemed impressed with the technology piece, but thought it would just be too much to maintain.  True, it does get annoying to track everything sometimes, but I also think it's the game changer here.  I felt frustrated/concerned/sad that they had given up on their endeavors...and almost wanted to cover up my own successes to not make them feel bad.

The not bad news (but not good news) is that I'm still at the same weight I was last time I checked in.  The reality is, it could have been a lot worse! It's tough to go into someone else's kitchen and make healthy choices when a lot of the staples in my diet at home are missing.  I think that's where they are right now too...they have healthy-ish foods...but aren't really able to bring them together to make meals that are desirable and sustainable.  

The common denominator here I think is that my whole family has a slew of disordered habits...especially eating habits.  I think they've tried for so long (though not long enough) without results that it becomes easier to give up.  I think we run to "safe" foods because we think they will help us get to our end goal...even if we don't like those "safe" foods.  When you don't like what you're eating...you're not going to get much accomplished and give up a lot easier!  My mom kept offering me weight watchers frozen dinners...  Those are safe to her...and fine if you like them...but I don't like them.  I don't want to waste calories on something that I know I'm not going to enjoy.  

Now...just talking about me specifically.  When I'm home, I weigh everything.  If the serving size says 28 grams, that is exactly how much I put on my plate.  For the most part, I don't see anything wrong with this.  I think it's ok to "train" my eye to what each serving amount actually looks like.  BUT...I have noticed that not having access to a food scale gives me some anxiety.  How do you find the balance between monitoring what you're eating and becoming a calorie/serving control freak?  I'm completely cool with a meal a day or a snack...but when I have to evaluate every bite for days...I'm lost!  

So...today has started well in the food department.  The exercise department is another story...but I will get up and move.  I have to.  

Oh...and based on the recent crapiness of Thursdays...I've now deemed them Thankful Thursdays.  I will be thinking of the good in those days from now on!  :)  

10%

What an exciting day!  Today I have officially lost 10% of my body weight since the beginning of last school year (just under 17% of my highest known weight)!  It's a good feeling to see results and to feel them too!

I've been reading several different books lately...one of them being Made to Crave by Lysa Terkeurst.  I've had this book for probably two years and finally cracked it open.  There are some wonderful truths inside.  It's true, we have been created and designed to crave...but that craving wasn't intended for food.  One of the tag lines is that "I am made for more.  I am made for victory."  I am holding onto this with a tight grasp.  Without the distractions of work, food issues have been very minimal.  Though it's very far away, I'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

Oh...and I almost forgot about this lovely!  Earned this for having 1,000 points on Earndit!  I am so happy that tomorrow starts a new month and a whole set of new challenges!

This too shall pass...

I find myself losing a few pounds and then not being able to break through certain numbers.  Like 282...I was there for 2-3 weeks easily without making it under.  My new number is 279.  It's been so stubborn...and I've become impatient.  I had a few bad days last week where I binged and ate just to eat.  I got frustrated with the scale and allowed food to control me.  The other thing that frustrated me was not actually meeting the necessary point requirements for Earndit.  They showed up that night, but the next day, the points were gone!  I know that my dedication to the process was almost becoming an idol in my life...an idol that I wasn't able to serve when I went back to work for a week.

The good news is that I get fresh starts!  Saturday I laced up my sneakers and got in an awesome walk. My food choices have been solid...I'm back on track.  Hopefully the scale will reflect my efforts and I'll be on my merry way again.

I have noticed a difference in my skin...it's starting to hang loose a tad and I've only lost 50 pounds.  I can't imagine what my body will look like when this is all said and done...I just hope and pray that I will not allow that fear to hold me back.  I feel so much better now that I'm more active and I'm eating better foods.  I've read many stories of people who have fought the good fight only to put all of the weight back on.  I can't do that.  I've started to go through some of my clothes.  Part of me wants to keep the stuff because I love it...but the other part of me knows that that is just one more excuse to eat that bag of chips or piece of cake.

It's not happening as fast as I'd like it to...but life change is indeed happening!

Double Edged Swords

The past few days have been filled with both victories and struggles.  I finally made it to the 270's...but haven't been able to move past 279 for several days.  I love using BodyMedia to track my movement and calorie intake.  However, I'm not a huge fan of when it tells me I'm not eating enough...or to eat more veggies when I'm constantly doing that.  With the weight not going down and it telling me to eat more...that's exactly what I've done.

It really started on Sunday when we went out to eat to celebrate Father's day.  I stayed within my calorie limit, but ate foods that I haven't recently eaten like a dinner roll, ranch dressing, and mashed potatoes with gravy.  That meal started a craving within me that followed into Monday where all I wanted to do was eat...but still managed to keep the calories in check...even if they weren't the best choices.

Then came Tuesday.  Lunch buffet at my training had baked potatoes with all of the fixings, salad, and cheese cake.  I didn't do awful...wish I would have skipped most of the potato and had another option rather than full fat dressing...but I survived.  I ate half of a piece of cheesecake.  I did ok.  THEN...when I came home I was instantly starving which resulted in me eating a whole bag of veggie chips...which is about 600 calories.  I totally went over the calorie limit today...probably by about 500 calories.

After I binged today, I felt defeated.  In fact, I went and laid down instead of getting out and exercising.    I fell asleep and slept soundly until 10:00 when I set my alarm.  I knew that would allow me 2 hours to finish getting my points for earndit.  I laid in bed and thought about it...to get up...or not to get up?  I needed those points in order to be eligible for the grand prize.  But I really wanted to just lay there and be defeated.   The good news is that I got up...and I exercised.  As I approached the 12:00 limit, I knew that it was going to be close.  I needed all of my points today in order to qualify.  I made it!  By the hair on my chinny-chin-chin...I made the 60 point mark just barely!   And as a bonus...I already have a few points for tomorrow too!

One more victory is that I earned two trophies today through Earndit!

I earned the Eager Beaver one for earning 40+ points a day for 7 days in a row and the Hump day one for exercising for 4 Wednesdays in a row!  How cool to have that kind of motivation!  

So...even though the day got kind of rough today with making poor choices, I didn't let it ruin me!  There is still hope and tomorrow (today) is a new day!  I just hope those numbers on the scale start going down again!