I also thought back a bit to the summer and wondered how I was able to be so successful. Then I remembered that every second was spent thinking about weight loss…every calorie was pre-calculated for hours before consumption…everything mapped out and pre-planned. Is that REALLY what I want for my life? Is calorie counting even the way to go?
Some of this thinking comes about from yesterday's experiences. I had an AWESOME day! It was 8:00 p.m. and I was right where I needed to be with my calories. I wanted something crunchy so I had some celery and peanut butter…about 150 calories worth…still had about 70 calories left in the bank. But then the peanut butter was just too sweet and I wanted something salty. Salty and crunchy. Why not have some of those baked potato chips that I had made earlier? OR…how about the whole bag!? I was already way over my limit for the day…so why not have something sweet now? And the cycle continued. (I also kept thinking in my mind that tomorrow/Sunday is the start of a new week. This one has been rotten…so why not finish it that way and start strong tomorrow?)
As I was alone in the cold…shoveling in the silence…I realized that I ate the equivalent of 4 potatoes yesterday! I would never in my life sit down and eat 4 baked potatoes in one day…week…or probably even month! But all in one day!? And then to continue with something sweet? Yuck. It makes me sick thinking about it…and it certainly didn't leave me feeling at my best last night when it happened!
So where do I go next? I want to live a normal life one day…one that isn't consumed by thoughts of food, calories, numbers, deficits… And then this quote was waiting for me when I came inside...
This is only part of my life…and I need to keep that perspective.
Father, help me to surrender this part of my life to You. I know this isn't what your plan is for me.
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