Weigh In Wednesday

It's been a good week!  I am down to 272...and that's with eating out twice in the past two days!  I can do this...yes I can!

I have been working on telling my story for a ladies small group that I am a part of.  It's been challenging for me to digest part of my past and make it public in front of a bunch of ladies that I don't really know very well.  I know this is all part of the healing process and will help me move forward in the end...but we have to get there first!  I may post a video of me sharing my story...not sure.  I'm not sure that I want my face associated with this blog...even though no one reads it!  :)

I will be spending much of the next few weeks at my parents' house.  That's been a struggle in the past...so we'll see what happens!  I'm hoping for good things!

Disordered Habits

The past few Thursdays have not been grand.  Though my eating wasn't awful yesterday, I lacked motivation to do much of anything.  I think this came from spending a few days at my parent's house.

The cycle has continued there.  When I last visited, my brother was doing the Atkins diet...my mom was following weight watchers...and my dad was falling somewhere in between.  This time around everyone was off their diet and there were cookies, fruit crisps, ice cream, doughnuts, candy, chips, etc. everywhere.  I survived, but felt overwhelmed and almost isolated.  I showed my mom my Body Media and showed her how I was tracking everything.  She seemed impressed with the technology piece, but thought it would just be too much to maintain.  True, it does get annoying to track everything sometimes, but I also think it's the game changer here.  I felt frustrated/concerned/sad that they had given up on their endeavors...and almost wanted to cover up my own successes to not make them feel bad.

The not bad news (but not good news) is that I'm still at the same weight I was last time I checked in.  The reality is, it could have been a lot worse! It's tough to go into someone else's kitchen and make healthy choices when a lot of the staples in my diet at home are missing.  I think that's where they are right now too...they have healthy-ish foods...but aren't really able to bring them together to make meals that are desirable and sustainable.  

The common denominator here I think is that my whole family has a slew of disordered habits...especially eating habits.  I think they've tried for so long (though not long enough) without results that it becomes easier to give up.  I think we run to "safe" foods because we think they will help us get to our end goal...even if we don't like those "safe" foods.  When you don't like what you're eating...you're not going to get much accomplished and give up a lot easier!  My mom kept offering me weight watchers frozen dinners...  Those are safe to her...and fine if you like them...but I don't like them.  I don't want to waste calories on something that I know I'm not going to enjoy.  

Now...just talking about me specifically.  When I'm home, I weigh everything.  If the serving size says 28 grams, that is exactly how much I put on my plate.  For the most part, I don't see anything wrong with this.  I think it's ok to "train" my eye to what each serving amount actually looks like.  BUT...I have noticed that not having access to a food scale gives me some anxiety.  How do you find the balance between monitoring what you're eating and becoming a calorie/serving control freak?  I'm completely cool with a meal a day or a snack...but when I have to evaluate every bite for days...I'm lost!  

So...today has started well in the food department.  The exercise department is another story...but I will get up and move.  I have to.  

Oh...and based on the recent crapiness of Thursdays...I've now deemed them Thankful Thursdays.  I will be thinking of the good in those days from now on!  :)  

10%

What an exciting day!  Today I have officially lost 10% of my body weight since the beginning of last school year (just under 17% of my highest known weight)!  It's a good feeling to see results and to feel them too!

I've been reading several different books lately...one of them being Made to Crave by Lysa Terkeurst.  I've had this book for probably two years and finally cracked it open.  There are some wonderful truths inside.  It's true, we have been created and designed to crave...but that craving wasn't intended for food.  One of the tag lines is that "I am made for more.  I am made for victory."  I am holding onto this with a tight grasp.  Without the distractions of work, food issues have been very minimal.  Though it's very far away, I'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

Oh...and I almost forgot about this lovely!  Earned this for having 1,000 points on Earndit!  I am so happy that tomorrow starts a new month and a whole set of new challenges!

This too shall pass...

I find myself losing a few pounds and then not being able to break through certain numbers.  Like 282...I was there for 2-3 weeks easily without making it under.  My new number is 279.  It's been so stubborn...and I've become impatient.  I had a few bad days last week where I binged and ate just to eat.  I got frustrated with the scale and allowed food to control me.  The other thing that frustrated me was not actually meeting the necessary point requirements for Earndit.  They showed up that night, but the next day, the points were gone!  I know that my dedication to the process was almost becoming an idol in my life...an idol that I wasn't able to serve when I went back to work for a week.

The good news is that I get fresh starts!  Saturday I laced up my sneakers and got in an awesome walk. My food choices have been solid...I'm back on track.  Hopefully the scale will reflect my efforts and I'll be on my merry way again.

I have noticed a difference in my skin...it's starting to hang loose a tad and I've only lost 50 pounds.  I can't imagine what my body will look like when this is all said and done...I just hope and pray that I will not allow that fear to hold me back.  I feel so much better now that I'm more active and I'm eating better foods.  I've read many stories of people who have fought the good fight only to put all of the weight back on.  I can't do that.  I've started to go through some of my clothes.  Part of me wants to keep the stuff because I love it...but the other part of me knows that that is just one more excuse to eat that bag of chips or piece of cake.

It's not happening as fast as I'd like it to...but life change is indeed happening!

Double Edged Swords

The past few days have been filled with both victories and struggles.  I finally made it to the 270's...but haven't been able to move past 279 for several days.  I love using BodyMedia to track my movement and calorie intake.  However, I'm not a huge fan of when it tells me I'm not eating enough...or to eat more veggies when I'm constantly doing that.  With the weight not going down and it telling me to eat more...that's exactly what I've done.

It really started on Sunday when we went out to eat to celebrate Father's day.  I stayed within my calorie limit, but ate foods that I haven't recently eaten like a dinner roll, ranch dressing, and mashed potatoes with gravy.  That meal started a craving within me that followed into Monday where all I wanted to do was eat...but still managed to keep the calories in check...even if they weren't the best choices.

Then came Tuesday.  Lunch buffet at my training had baked potatoes with all of the fixings, salad, and cheese cake.  I didn't do awful...wish I would have skipped most of the potato and had another option rather than full fat dressing...but I survived.  I ate half of a piece of cheesecake.  I did ok.  THEN...when I came home I was instantly starving which resulted in me eating a whole bag of veggie chips...which is about 600 calories.  I totally went over the calorie limit today...probably by about 500 calories.

After I binged today, I felt defeated.  In fact, I went and laid down instead of getting out and exercising.    I fell asleep and slept soundly until 10:00 when I set my alarm.  I knew that would allow me 2 hours to finish getting my points for earndit.  I laid in bed and thought about it...to get up...or not to get up?  I needed those points in order to be eligible for the grand prize.  But I really wanted to just lay there and be defeated.   The good news is that I got up...and I exercised.  As I approached the 12:00 limit, I knew that it was going to be close.  I needed all of my points today in order to qualify.  I made it!  By the hair on my chinny-chin-chin...I made the 60 point mark just barely!   And as a bonus...I already have a few points for tomorrow too!

One more victory is that I earned two trophies today through Earndit!

I earned the Eager Beaver one for earning 40+ points a day for 7 days in a row and the Hump day one for exercising for 4 Wednesdays in a row!  How cool to have that kind of motivation!  

So...even though the day got kind of rough today with making poor choices, I didn't let it ruin me!  There is still hope and tomorrow (today) is a new day!  I just hope those numbers on the scale start going down again!

Transformation Journey

It's been a good week!  I have continued to work towards losing the extra pounds and it has paid off!  This morning I broke through a new barrier...I am now in the 270s!  I honestly do not remember when I last weighed that...possibly in middle school?  It feels good to make progress and I think it's becoming a little easier.  I don't have a problem turning down the whole bag of Doritos when I know that eating them will erase all of the work that I've been doing.  One serving of Doritos...that's a different story!  :) Also, this marks 50 pounds down from my heaviest known weight! That's a good feeling!

This past Sunday my church started a new series called T90X.  Transformation to the extreme!  I'm excited about it because we're going to be studying and talking about different areas of life that aren't always discussed in church...a true transformation of body, soul, and mind.  It seems to fit in so well with where I am in my own life...love it!

I feel good right now...different.  I've always been so self-conscious of myself and being in public.  I never wanted to exercise because I'm sure nobody wants to see that...  In fact, I would cringe when I met people on the sidewalk while walking.  Instantly I would wonder what they were thinking about me as the dialogue started in my head.  A good thing happened the other day that made this a little bit easier for me...  I was walking around the neighborhood as it was getting a little darker out and we were expecting a huge storm.  A lady stopped me and made sure that I lived close because it looked liked the clouds were about ready to open.  That was so very kind of her...she didn't need to do it...and it just made me feel better.

Hopefully the next time I write I'll have met my 10% goal...

Kickin' Butt and Taking Names

The first week of summer vacation has been a success!  Unlike the last few posts...being alone has actually paid off.  I've been free to do whatever I want to do whenever I want to do it...even if I really don't want to!  :)

I started using Earndit to track my daily exercise.  It has been so stinkin' motivating!  You enter different competitions and work your butt off to earn points.  Depending on how many points you earn (max of 60 a day), you are entered into a drawing for that tier.  So...if you want to be eligible for the grand prize...you're going to run your sneakers out!  And that's exactly what I've been experiencing!

Two of the competitions that I'm in right now are month long...I have the whole month to earn 1,500 points.  Another one of the competitions is only a week long...and I totally slacked the first day...so I only have 6 days to earn 360 points.  Holy toledo!  I'm doing it, though!

To give a little perspective...60 points is equivalent to about 2.5 hours of moderate exercise...or some very intentional walking.  That day when I slacked...I spent the day shopping and working in my flower beds outside.  It's not like I was just sitting around...I was moving.  That entire day I earned a whopping 3 points!  What doesn't kill you makes you stronger...I hope.

I am a little hesitant about this weekend.  I have a wedding to go to today and tomorrow I'm going to a baseball game with my family.  It will be fine to be around people...I love people. The concern comes in when there are limited food options and very little movement.  The wedding is 1.5 hours away...so at least 3 hours in the car today!  I guess I had better stop blabbing and get outside to get some miles in!

I am going to do this...I am determined.