Pause Button

I feel like I've hit the pause button for the last few days.  It started with me feeling sick Wednesday night.  I was very dizzy.  Any sort of movement made me want to throw up.  Why?  Was I dying?  Did I eat too much?  Did I not eat enough?  A few empty google searches and I decided just to go to bed early. 

Thursday was a better day, but I still wasn't feeling fantastic.  It's Friday and I can't say that I've arrived there yet.  But Thursday we ordered pizza at work.  We got thin crust...and it had chicken on it...so it couldn't have been that bad...but it was.  It's like eating that flipped a switch inside of me.  All I wanted to do was eat. Even though my choices weren't horrible and I still monitored portion size, it made me feel less of a success.  The number on the scale went up and my self worth and drive kind of fizzeled. 

It's Friday night.  I had a cupcake today from a student's birthday.  Then I ate the left over pizza that they were going to throw away.  Add in some chips and salsa and some pumpkin cookies and it seems like I'm back to my old ways.  Whereas I've been using 1/2 a page for tracking my food intake...today I needed the whole  page. 

I just don't know what to do.  I want to do this the correct way...the healthy way...but that stamina and desires seems to have gone out the window.  I do think that my body was angry with me because I wasn't eating enough calories...or maybe just not the right things.  Up until the pizza, I wasn't eating a lot of carbs.  Maybe my body was trying to fight that.  I lay here tonight feeling disgusting and bloated.  When I stepped on the scale a few minutes ago it said 300.8.  Never to see that number again...that sure lasted long!  Ugh!

My prayer and hope is to get back on track with this.  It's going to be difficult though.  I'm going home to my parent's house...the holidays are here...and so are my grandparents.  I know there will be temptation right and left as well as added stressors.  Lord help me!  I will not let this defeat me!