Not a fantastic start...

I have made some healthy changes in the last few weeks, but have kept many unhealthy secrets that are sabotaging my  success.  Ultimately it comes down to the fact that I'm lonely.  When I'm alone, I do irrational things like eating an entire bag of s'mores goldfish crackers just because I can. It hit home yesterday that I am still living a lie and I am still slowly killing myself.

Yesterdays at worked I walked in as the ladies in the room were talking about me.  Apparently they were discussing how proud of me they were for how good I've been eating.  It's true...at work...I have been eating pretty clean and healthy.  I kind of chuckled and said that I was working on it...but what I really wanted to say was, "Yeah right, you should see how I gorge myself when I get home...just because I can!"  How  incredibly frustrating!  Internally...somehow...when I hear a positive thing about my weight loss...it flips something in my brain that makes me want to eat more and kill the progress.  Can I really just not stand people talking positively about me?  Ugh...

I have been reading a blog that has been super encouraging to me.  The author is a man fighting the battle to lose a significant amount of weight.  It has also been a convicting experience for me.  Here is a man who weighs more than twice my weight and he is more active and more diligent than I have yet to be.  It has been good to read his daily struggles and victories.  I know it's one thing that is keeping me from quitting.

I will beat this.  I can do this.