Not a fantastic start...

I have made some healthy changes in the last few weeks, but have kept many unhealthy secrets that are sabotaging my  success.  Ultimately it comes down to the fact that I'm lonely.  When I'm alone, I do irrational things like eating an entire bag of s'mores goldfish crackers just because I can. It hit home yesterday that I am still living a lie and I am still slowly killing myself.

Yesterdays at worked I walked in as the ladies in the room were talking about me.  Apparently they were discussing how proud of me they were for how good I've been eating.  It's true...at work...I have been eating pretty clean and healthy.  I kind of chuckled and said that I was working on it...but what I really wanted to say was, "Yeah right, you should see how I gorge myself when I get home...just because I can!"  How  incredibly frustrating!  Internally...somehow...when I hear a positive thing about my weight loss...it flips something in my brain that makes me want to eat more and kill the progress.  Can I really just not stand people talking positively about me?  Ugh...

I have been reading a blog that has been super encouraging to me.  The author is a man fighting the battle to lose a significant amount of weight.  It has also been a convicting experience for me.  Here is a man who weighs more than twice my weight and he is more active and more diligent than I have yet to be.  It has been good to read his daily struggles and victories.  I know it's one thing that is keeping me from quitting.

I will beat this.  I can do this.

2013 Goals

2012 is over and 2013 is now in full swing!  Tomorrow starts a new chapter in my life as I return to work and embark on a hard reset of the habits I’ve picked up on over the holidays. 

I made a list of goals last year that I hadn’t looked at again until today.  I never accomplish my resolutions…I have very little discipline in everything that I do.  Surprisingly, I accomplished more things than I thought in 2012…but there is much room to grow!

One of my main goals for last year was to lose weight…shocker!  Though I did not end up where I wanted, I made further “gains” than I ever have before!  I made it out of the 300s...something that I haven’t done in probably 10 years!  I still have a super long way to go, but overall, I haven’t gained back what I’ve taken off (as long as you ignore the scale today)!  It has been rewarding to hear people compliment me on my weight loss.  I do need to be careful though to not allow this to go to my head and cause me to sabotage myself…this has happened the past few weeks.  

Another area that I’ve seen some growth in is my spiritual life.  I attempted to get involved with church by going to pizza with the pastors (something on the list)…but then did nothing else.  Definitely an area where I want to grow in 2013!  I did commit to tithe weekly and did it!  Also…I got baptized…which I still can’t even believe happened!  Woohoo! 

Ok…now for the new goals:

• Make it to “one”derland
• Participate in a 5k (Color Run?)
• Exercise  (5x/week minimum)
•  Join a D-Group
• Serve at church (greeter/riverkids/etc.)
• Daily Quiet Time
• Spend less ($50/week)
• Read a book for fun each month
• Blog weekly (minimum)

Let’s do this thing!